John H Armstrong

A Book on Theology (Humor)

I do not recall where I saw the cartoon but it was one with Charlie Brown and Snoopy. 

Charlie said to Snoopy, "I hear you're writing a book on theology. I hope that you have a good title."

Snoopy replied, "I have the perfect title (as he sat on his doghouse with his typewriter)."

Has It Ever Occurred to You That You Might Be Wrong?

I have been dabbling with a book that is part memoir and part theological reflection. I am often tempted to use Snoopy's title. What do you think?

First in Our Household

A home without children is quiet, sometimes too quiet. Most of the time my home is very quiet. But sometimes it is filled with the laughter of my grandchildren, who are a delight. But it is always filled by the presence of our “third” child, Neo. Neo is ten and half years old but doing pretty well for a senior dachshund. She has actually become more active the last three years because of her cousin, Latte. Latte spends a lot of time with Neo. When Latter and Neo are together they teach each other various new social responses. The worst such social behavior is what I call a dachshund “bark off.” Latte usually begins it though Neo has learned well and clearly is no angel. The “two girls” sit on top of our living room sofa and “guard” the house from anything that moves. When I am trying to think, read or write they can drive me to distraction and I yell at them to cut it out. But then they are so cute you can’t be mad at them, at least for long.

Anita decided Neo would help us begin our Christmas season early this year. She took this photo of our beloved furry friend last week. Does she look excited to you?

Reformation Day: How Far Does the Fall Go?

Today is All Saints Eve. It is also Reformation Day. This made me wonder about sin and the ages old debate about the consequences and depths of human sin. Luther said that sin bound us to spiritual death thus we were in bondage from birth. This was, of course, the same thing St. Augustine had taught. Besides the obvious evidence that the fall of man brought with it death, including death in the physical realm, one wonders at times if animals might experience some human like qualities when it comes to sin and the fall.

For example, do our pets have a tendency to rebel that is inborn? When a child sees a “Do Not Enter” sign the first thing they want to do is to enter that door, right? What about dogs? When they see a “No Dogs Allowed” sign do they react similarly?

The answer might not be conclusive scientifically but this photo made me laugh out loud. It is a picture that is truly worth a thousand words. Enjoy.

How We See One Another

A major contributor to our disunity can be seen in how we view one another as Christians. Because we hold differing perspectives on doctrine and practice we tend to become suspicious of each other. These stereotypes are real. Today I put them under the lens of humor. I suppose some might be offended but the purpose here is not to offend bur rather to prompt you to laugh at yourself and at how we maintain our dislikes and personal disdain for one another on the grounds of how we view one another, for better and often for worse. The source can be seen in the graphic I’ve borrowed but if you want to see more similar material check out www.thomasthedoubter.com. It is an interesting blog.

 

Neo: My Star Dachshund

I sometimes write about my wife, my children and even my grandchildren, but what’s up with the dog in various photos that you see of me? Well, what’s up is “Neo,” my ten and a half-year old miniature dachshund. Neo is our youngest child and the one who never left home. She brings tremendous joy to our empty-nest household. Neo is our fourth mini-dachshund in forty years of marriage. Anita was into German Shepherds when we met but our apartment would only allow a small dog so we got a dachshund, staying with the German breed of course. As night follows day we kept getting dachshunds and just love these little wiener dogs. (Neo has a little outfit that is a hot dog bun with mustard on top of it that she wears in public when we really want to get a laugh. She asked for it one Halloween I understand, telling us she wanted to be a Hallo-wiener!)

Neo is by far the sweetest little doxie that we ever had. She loves Anita beyond belief. She loves me too, but not like she loves her “momma.” Anita decided to see if she could teach “an old weiner dog new tricks.” Neo proved to be the star and Anita was again shown to be a great trainer when she put her mind and energy into it. 

Anita decided to enter Neo in a local dog show in Carol Stream. Out of 26 dogs Neo finished second in a competition that required her to wait and eat food only on command. This poor little dog had to look at a plate of food for nearly a half hour while one dog after another caved in to this temptation and ate. Look at the selection of tasty treats on that plate. I mean I would have struggled to hold out for thirty minutes. Even the judge was impressed.

You see, dachshunds are notorious for not being able to resist any food they can see and smell. But this little girl of mine resisted and resisted and proved to be a real star. Even when she lost to the eventual champion the results were a bit tainted. (Yes, I am biased but Neo really won!)

So Neo won second prize, as the photo will show. She proved that an old weiner dog can learn new tricks! And she made her momma very happy, even though it was a wet and chilly day in Carol Stream.  Can’t you tell how happy Anita was from this lovely little photo?

After the show was over Neo, and her cousin Latte (Stacy’s three-year old mini-dachshund) stuck around for a little of the post-show action. Neo passed a “Good Citizen” test and appropriately got a certificate for that too. This now allows her mom and dad to buy a bunch of dog stuff from a catalog. (What’s wrong with this picture?)

After Neo’s full day at the park she then met the event mascot who was there to wish Neo, and her cousin Latte, a nice day! The little girls, by this time of the day, were ready for a stroller ride. After all, Neo had resisted a plate of food on a down/stay for more than a half hour. She had a stroller ride coming don’t you think?

So hooray for Neo and Anita. Good job girls. I’m proud of you both. You add a lot of real joy to all our lives, proving that God’s gracious gifts extend to many parts of his kingdom, human and animal.

Steve Brown Etc. "Religion: Sickness or Cure?"

One of my favorite persons is Steve Brown. He also does one of my favorite radio programs called Steve Brown Etc.  Brown also teaches on Key Life, a fifteen-minute syndicated radio show heard around the country on around 300 radio stations and on the Internet, on which Brown teaches about grace and the Christian life. The show often ends with Brown's tag line, "You think about that. Amen." Key Life also distributes audio recordings and writings by Brown and is based in Maitland, Florida. Steve formerly taught at Reformed Theological Seminary and is the author of numerous books. The first time I heard Steve, many years ago, I was deeply disturbed. He preached grace so wonderfully that I dared not believe this could be true. His happy and affecting style disarmed me but I had my doubts about him. Later I met him and saw the man for what he is – a Christ follower who is free and filled with grace.

Love him or hate him, Steve Brown always draws a crowd. Over the past 22 years, as founder and president of Key Life Network, Steve's unique blend of orthodoxy and controversy, humor and profundity, and a refusal to play religious games, has attracted some interesting folks. Steve Brown Etc. is a place where you can hang out with Steve "and the rest" and experience radical freedom, infectious joy and maybe even a bit of surprising faithfulness.

Last Friday I did a show with Steve, on the Steve Brown Etc. Broadcast, titled: “Religion: Sickness or Cure?” You can hear the entire broadcast here. Steve is one fantastic, happy and soulful guy. If you’ve never heard the show try it. You might get hooked and want to listen to more. I download the podcasts and listen often myself. I am never bored by Steve in the least. You ought to know him and listen to him.

A Little Humor About the American Altar Call

I have been deeply suspicious of the typical use of “altar calls” since I was a young child. First, every time I heard one as a five-year old kid I wanted to run forward, not walk. Who didn’t want to come to Jesus again and again? And if the word “rededication” was used then I knew I wanted to go forward. By the age of seven I wondered to myself: “What is this thing we’ve made so much out of every single Sunday morning and evening in church?” By ten I was just suspicious. All my friends had “walked the aisle” but few of them seemed all that changed. By my teen years I watched my peers who walked and wept and grew downright tired of it all. As a Baptist pastor, at age 22, I had to give an altar call every Sunday for one year. I couldn’t stand it. I am sure it showed. By the time I planted a new church, in 1972, I gave my last such appeal. I have never regretted it, not once.

Later I studied the history and theology of this type of appeal and realized the human origins lay in the 19th century and were simply not a part of anything biblical or historically helpful to the well-being of the church. The altar call arose in a time of revivalism and went through many changes and refinements of various sorts. We had a “mourner’s bench” and “an altar” for sinners. Then in my lifetime I watched this whole process become manipulative and dangerous. I went through a time when I opposed all altar calls.

After all these years my thinking hasn’t changed much. I still do not like altar calls. I do, however, recognize that God uses some of them for good and some people use them about as well as humanly possible. So it is not a matter of abuse in every instance. (Billy Graham comes to mind here. His use of the altar call was always the best I saw over the years.)

While I was writing this blog Anita reminded me of our favorite altar call experience. Our first miniature dachshund came forward during a televised evangelistic event in 1971. Our beloved Huck was watching TV with us and when the preacher said, "I want you to come, right now from wherever you are, come." Huck got up, jumped off our sofa and went to the TV. He then sat up and pumped his paws. I am not making this up I promise you. When Huck died more than ten years later my best friend leaned over to me, in another city where I had been called with the bad news, and said, "John, at such times you can at least be grateful that Huck made a decision!" (The only problem was that Huck showed varying degrees of evidence regarding sanctification over the years.)

Now, can you handle a little more humor about the altar call? This You Tube clip is priceless. It is satire so prepare to take it in that way. If you do not laugh you are probably too serious in all the wrong ways, thinking you are above it all. You may feel you either have to defend the altar call out of deep human attachment to a man-made formula or you simply can’t laugh at the silliness of what we Christians say and do. The really sad part is that people are misled in some cases. This is certainly serious.

A Parody That Rocks

North Point Church in Atlanta is one of the better known mega-churches in America. Led by Andy Stanley the church is known for taking the gospel seriously. It is also a church that is not afraid to look at a lot that is being done today with a biblically critical eye. This video will make you laugh and it just might make you cry too. It is not a blanket condemnation of modern music but rather a biting critique that should make you pause and ask important questions, especially if you are leading such a congregation.

Grandchildren Say the Cutest Things

Eight-year-old Abbie spent the night at our house all alone recently. When I (Anita) went in to check on her after she went to bed, I saw her leafing through John’s latest book, Your Church Is Too Small. (John dedicated the book to her.) I asked her, “Are you reading Grandpa’s book?” She replied, “No, I’m just reading the Dedication!”

A Championship Ring: The Symbol of Success

I love sports humor. I am not a Chicago Cubs fan so I particularly love Chicago Cubs humor about their futility. A friend recently sent me these photos, which tell enough in pictures to say it all well.

Here is the 2008 World Series ring won by the Philadelphia Phillies.

Here is the 2009 hockey ring won by the Pittsburgh Penguins hockey team.

Here is the Super Bowl winning ring of the Pittsburgh Steelers won two seasons ago. One can get the feeling that diamonds are a players best friend when it comes to championship rings.

And my favorite baseball ring is the one shown below, won by the really good team in Chicago, the Chicago White Sox. This was their 2005 World Series ring.

Finally, someone came up with these rings to represent the Cubs success.